no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
