Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize