Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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