My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
