God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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