so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
