Taylor Swift is so right about you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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I can't turn off my feet"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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