so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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