i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
