I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
