I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's rum buckets o'clock
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
