i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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