Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
