i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
