Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
