I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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