Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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