I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
