She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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