I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
