third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
cat food counts as protein by the way
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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