You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
