Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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