Can i not drive my cunt home
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
