did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
