sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
