I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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