What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
