There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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