Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
