I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
