i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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