Already got asked if we're dating
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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