Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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