I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
