I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just tell him i said nine months
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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