Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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