Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
