she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
