I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
