Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When are your genitals available?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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