Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
