Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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