No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
