I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
