You kept calling me your small dog last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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