if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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