I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
