Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
