Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
