i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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