It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
