just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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