I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
