theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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