Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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