you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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