apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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