I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
