You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
