He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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