I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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