My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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