On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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