hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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