all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
